Jeff v2.0

Power Overwhelming

Last Friday during my last Coro session, I participated in an exercise where myself and five others had to arrange ourselves in a particular order depending on the subject. Six chairs were lined up on one side of the room with ten other people staring at us intently, their job to observe.

Sadie said ‘Arrange yourself in alphabetical order according to your birth place.’

Easy. Took 5 seconds.

‘Arrange yourself in order of knowledge about public affairs.’

This one was a little bit tougher. I pretty much let the rest of the group choose my position for me.

‘Arrange yourself in order of privilege.’

The girls took the lead on this one, sitting in the back. One of them announced ‘Minority woman?? Moving to the back.’ I didn’t disagree. I was second out of the six.

‘Arrange yourself in order of power within the group.’

After a brief discussion, the five of them decided that I deserved to be at the top. Suddenly, I felt flush and extremely uncomfortable. The group was publicly saying that I was the person that had the most influence within an extremely talented and experienced group of people.

During the debriefing segment, after the exercise, I started to think about why I felt so uncomfortable and embarrassed about having that power. After thinking about my role within the group, I started to realize that I often played the role of facilitator in the group. I work hard within the group, and I think I lead by example. So, why was I, usually quite aware of the role I play in groups, in denial about the leadership I have?

I came to the conclusion that I have negative associations with power. In my head, power is always corrupting. Power is isolating. Power is responsibility. I have always tended to be a reluctant leader, and I think it’s because of these negative associations.

What’s wrong with having the power? What’s wrong with being an influence? Maybe there’s nothing wrong with embracing leadership, as long as I do it humbly, and stay grounded.